Resolved Question: I'm bored, so I'm going to type stuff. Is that okay?

Resolved Question: I'm bored, so I'm going to type stuff. Is that okay?

My whole life I have been a very timid person. My skills at interacting with others are so weak that I find it challenging to do something even as simple as ordering a pizza. From Kindergarten to 9th grade my best friend was a Vietnamese kid named Gerry, but I came to depend on him so much, that, even though I realized what was happening, I eventually drove him away.

Last summer, I went on a vacation with a group known as People to People, and visited France, Italy, and Greece. If I were a grateful person, I would have appreciated this experience very much, and the efforts which my low-income mother went through to get it for me. But the whole time, I was miserable because, by observing the single, carefree spirit that flourished through the rest of the attending students, I realized how broken I was, and how wasted my life had been up to that point.

At the beginning of this school year (10th grade), I was feeling reborn, and was resolved upon amending my reclusive habits. I did a number of ridiculous things I wouldn't have considered before. For example, I thought it would be funny if, when the teacher asked for our names, I invented a crazy nickname for myself, and a different one for each period. I went through with it, but ended up being so embarrassed that I never mentioned another word about it after the first day. Before I knew it, I had reverted back to my inordinately self-conscious old self.

Next interesting thing that happened to me, was that, a few weeks into school, a girl in my B4 English class sent a note to me, professing a crush she had. After reflecting for a while, I realized why she could have begun to feel that way: during my first-day-back outburst, I had hugged her twice from the back, with affection I meant only to be taken as "friendly." I, of course, was still so reserved, that I decided not even to respond to the note; for no love directed at a being as flawed as myself could be genuine and enduring. I trusted the whole thing would go away.

But eventually she approached me in person, and I started hanging out with her; for I was too shy to reject, then. Surprisingly, I actually started to like her, and every day we would go into the school's orchestra room and practice music: she on her violin, and I on the piano. I don't think either of us ever grew to be comfortable with the other, but I don't think that either of us found the other's company unpleasant.

Eventually she invited me to a small-scale website she had created; a role-playing site, which had only 14 members, who could create their own characters, and interact with the others in a world of fantasy. I agreed to join, but after I created my account, I was too nervous to ever post anything, or even create a character. Considering that only 2 members were active (this girl, and a friend of hers who was so close she actually addressed him as "brother"), I could never bring myself to intrude on what seemed a personal connection they had.

Some days, I wanted to talk to her so badly that I would go to school early in the morning and wait with her in the hallways for classes to start. But this never really worked out, because she, being so much more sociable than I am, had countless friends, who would always wait with her in the halls, too. And I, unwilling to speak so near to them, would just sit dumbly. So, I soon stopped coming altogether.

Shortly before the holiday break, I gave her my Instant Messenger account, and she gave me a reminder of her feelings, with a box of chocolates and the words, "Je t'aime" written delicately on my palm.

Now, I have absolutely no life, so during the holiday break there is nothing for me to do but stay on the computer. So for the past week I have been constantly signed on to Messenger, and she has logged on twice, on which occasions I spoke with her constantly, and so freely (since I am so much more comfortable on the computer than in the real world) that I'm afraid she has become annoyed with me. The last time we spoke, she ended up saying that I was distracting her from her mmorpg, so I signed off.

She hasn't gotten back on since, so I'm almost certain she has become annoyed with me. Trying to fix things, I activated messenger's "stealth" setting so that I will appear offline to her always, and I intend to hold myself back from sending any message to her until the end of the holiday break, when I will see her in person. This should keep her from thinking that I'm obsessive, right?

So, in the meantime, I spend my break eating TV dinners, watching fansubs of Detective Conan, and waiting for her to sign back on to Messenger, not so that I can speak with her, but so that I can know that she knows I'm not clinging obsessively to her (even though I am, in fact). Oh yeah, and writing overly long questions on Answers! which don't even seem to have a point.

But, for the heck of it, give me tips on life, if anyone actually bothered to read this whole thing. How sh
How should I reform myself? What do you think this girl is thinking? Did I react in the right way?
(btw, I'm not usually this formal)

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20081226185837AAOHmQN